To follow up on my post yesterday A whole new wardrobe for under $100? (…and a jeep!) about bargain shopping and money saving tips, namely consignment shopping for kids toys, clothes, and baby items…

Since the “great recession” has hit home hard for many working families, the stigma once attached to goodwill shopping has vanished.  But how do we help disintegrate that stigma with our teens and tweens?  That proves to be a bit more difficult, but I found a couple tricks that worked beautifully with my daugther.

1.  Green is IN!   While many teens or tweens may not be too excited about goodwill shop hopping, they are excited to get green!  Earth friendly, earth-loving, eco-friendly, recycling, tree hugging…many kids are proud to be part of the green age right now – it’s a big deal.  When I mentioned how “green” it is to shop consignment and goodwill stores, my daughter’s eyebrows went up – got her interest.  She was still not totally sold on it being a cool idea though.

2.  Next move was to simply bring home some clothes for her – quietly.  So, one day when she got home from school, there a couple nice Abercrombie T’s, a pair of American Eagle jeans, and nice pair of Old Navy jeans sitting on the table.   She immediately started going through the items, smiling, “are these for me?!”  I just replied, “Yeah, if you like ‘em…”  …and how couldn’t she? 

Next thing I knew, my daughter casually suggests, “maybe if you have time, you can swing by the goodwill and see if they have any cool clothes for me?”  (though she didn’t say she wanted to go with me…)

Well what a great idea, hun!

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Where do do we draw the line between disrepect, and normal behavior? Moms of tweens and teens, we understand that a certain amount of eye rolling and huffing/ puffing is normal behavior and we should try to dismiss it as such, rather than take it personally, right?  Sometimes, I do take my kids’ behavior personally. I ask for their help around the house, or ask them to do a few specific chores, and if I receive negative feedback, I tend to take it personally. I feel as if they don’t want to help me, or  they believe that every chore in the household is mom’s responsibility.  I feel like it should be a team effort here, and I’m the only player.

I always tell my kids that we all have self work to do, and I amcertainly no exception to the rule.  Parenting, giving guidance, raising children – it’s hard work.  I am looking to become a better, more understanding parent. Part of that process includes picking my battles and disregarding the eye roll or mumbling that tends to bounce back from my kids when I give them instructions or chores to do. If I know this, why then, does it still upset me when they act this way? Why do I feel disrespected?

Really, I was a teen once and I am sure I gave my fair share of eye rolls (to say the very least). My mom dealt with it (and more), and I am sure the neighbors are dealing with it with their teens, as well as my cousins with their teens, and so on… Even so, when my child walks (I should say “stomps”) away from me mumbling something under her breath, I almost instantly react, “excuse me? I couldn’t hear you…Do you have something you’d like to say to me?” or something of that nature.  It takes conscious effort for me to just “let it go” but I am trying. Remember people, the name of this site is “Supermomwannabe“, and I do wannabe.

What I am learning is, as a mom of a tween/ teen, I have anxiety about the future.  I want to guide all of my children and raise them to be happy, responsible, and contributing members of society.  I feel that if I let certain behavior “go” now, then I am setting the stage for it to get worse…because afterall, this stage of her life is just beginning. Should we, as parents, think that way? I mean, my child has never called me a name, or challenged me with anything like, “you can’t make me”…so why would I have a fear that she will,  just because I let some eye rolling, foot stomping, and mumbling go?  It would be different if she had called me names in the past, used foul language with me, or outright challenged before.   Then I would have reason to have anxiety about a reoccurrence of that behavior.  I am learning that a certain amount of resistance is normal.  It’s part of a learning curve and a phase.  To react to this behavior every time, creates a new unnecessary battle every time.  

Another lesson I am learning is to pick my battles.  Teens and tweens are struggling with their desire to have control of their life and decisions, along with their inability to always make right decisions and be responsible.  That is where we, as parents, need to help them along.  Finding the most effective and loving way to do so is our challenge.   What do you think?  Give us your feedback in our discussion forum- Normal behavior or disrespectful?

It takes conscious effort to acquire good parenting skills.  What are good parenting skills?

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